S&P Downgrades Planet Earth, Citing Unbalanced Carbon Budget, Reckless Political Debates and Role of “Deniers”

Tue, 2011-08-16 05:29Chris Mooney
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S&P Downgrades Planet Earth, Citing Unbalanced Carbon Budget, Reckless Political Debates and Role of “Deniers”

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Washington, D.C.—In a move that came as a shock both in this city and throughout the planet on which it is located, Standard & Poor’s late Monday downgraded Earth from its unique HHH rating—the only one in the galaxy—to HH+.

The coveted HHH rating—meaning, “extremely habitable”—has become indefensible, the ratings agency said, due to continuing failures to balance the atmospheric carbon budget and an increasingly toxic political debate that renders better policies unlikely any time soon. 

Atmospheric carbon inputs continue to outweigh carbon outputs (or sinks), leading to a growing and unsustainable carbon ‘surplus,’” wrote S&P. “Unlike fiscal surpluses, this surplus is very dangerous and is already triggering rising temperatures, heat waves, droughts, and extreme weather patterns.”

Under the new HH+ rating, the Earth is still considered “highly habitable” for humans. However, S&P also changed the planet’s outlook to “negative,” suggesting the possibility of further downgrades. 

Critics Cite Dearth of Spaceships

Criticism came fast and furious. The United Nations’ Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change agreed with S&P about the threat of global warming, but made numerous obscure and highly technical criticisms of its carbon calculations, and then sent these to American journalists who don’t understand the word “albedo” and can’t even convert Celsius to Fahrenheit.

This is not their area of expertise,” said the IPCC in a written statement. “However, we cannot explain ourselves further without peer review. Our next report will be out in about five years.” 

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce was even more scathing. “Even as S&P downgraded Earth, investors—those who choose to live here—are proving the silliness of this action,” said Chamber spokesman Terry Form. “If the Earth had really become less habitable, market forces would kick in, and we would see a booming spaceship industry. That’s just not happening.”

One rare supporter of S&P’s decision was the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence Institute, popularly known as SETI, located in Mountain View, CA. 

Look, there’s only a snowball’s chance in hell that we’re going to hear from another intelligent civilization,” said SETI senior astronomer Carly Sagan. “But we’re going to keep trying, and thanks to S&P we’ll probably get more funding. As this action shows, Earth’s residents need something to pin their hopes on right now.”

The search for extrasolar planets also proceeds apace, but so far no planet orbiting any star has received a rating close to Earth’s. The next closest is Mars at “-H,” meaning habitable only after vast improvements.

Mars itself was downgraded during the 1990s, once S&P realized that the Face on Mars was merely an optical illusion (a flub that some charge has significantly undermined the agency’s credibility).

Denialism Blamed, Blame Denied

In a recent interview, S&P senior director Troy Easter gave rare insight into one critical factor behind his agency’s action–citing a group of so-called carbon budget “deniers” who have become increasingly prominent in Washington and on the world stage. 

These people are willing to hold a gun to the planet’s head,” Easter said. “Without them, no carbon balancing can happen. And they don’t even think escalating atmospheric carbon dioxide is a problem.” 

This is not the kind of rhetoric you expect to find on triple-H rated planets,” Easter said. 

So-called climate skeptics and their political supporters quickly fired back at S&P—even as they also blamed U.S. President Barack Obama for the ratings downgrade and the carbon budget gap, and also for continuing to try to reason with them and showing inadequate leadership.

Carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has increased dramatically during his term,” said Republican Rep. Michele Badlands, who display a chart comparing the Obama administration’s emissions with those of the George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan governments. “And anyways, planets have shown a remarkable ability to ‘breathe back in’ carbon, when not weighed down by Big Government.” 

For that reason, Badlands said, even though she blamed Obama for the ratings change, she wasn’t actually worried about it. “Carbon is good for life,” she said, reiterating a familiar campaign slogan. “Plus, it’s my favorite color.”

S&P’s Easter responded to Badlands’ comments with uncharacteristic bluntness. “We downgraded the planet because of Looney Tunes like her,” he said. “We weren’t explicit enough in explaining our last downgrade—of the United States—so read my lips: Carbon budget deniers are to blame. That’s ‘B-L-A-M-E.’” 

At the end of his interview, Easter waxed philosophical.

In a way, we’re glad that SETI is getting involved,” he said. “They should start the hunt for terrestrial intelligence, too.”

Markets Party on News

Responding to the downgrade, the Dow Jones Industrial Average clocked its best day ever, soaring 1,000 points to 12,200.

Some male residents of Earth, dressed in suits, were observed performing chest bumps on the floor of the New York Stock Exhange.

China, meanwhile, announced billions in new investments in clean energy, and a ramping up of its space program.

Just in case you missed it, this is a spoof, inspired by this article.

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Comments

LOL.

Ever notice how often lefties refer to any debate as “reckless”?

It seems they always have a deep aversion to debate. I wonder why?

And they use strange words like ‘denialism’ which I wasn’t able to find in Webster’s dictionary.
Ho hum, nothing to see here, just more made-up stuff from the alarmist camp.

Chris Mooney seems to have lost his mind, and sees climate change denial, tea party members, and debt ceiling negotiators as one large group of “his enemies”.

Chris doesn’t want you to know last week he blamed the Tea Party’s debt negotiators for the stock market drop. Now that its risen again, you’ll notice he’s abandoned that rhetoric.

I am happy that Chris has finally dropped his fake science communications mask and shown himself to be a naked political idealogue.

Remember this fundamental politicism when he tries to convince you of the next earth destroying eco-fad.

“Chris Mooney seems to have lost his mind, and sees climate change denial, tea party members, and debt ceiling negotiators as one large group of “his enemies”.

You forgot white,male conservatives. He hates them, too.

And, man, as far as “satire” goes, why are the liberals attempts at it always so screechy and ham-fisted?

“And, man, as far as “satire” goes, why are the liberals attempts at it always so screechy and ham-fisted?”

Maybe they are jealous that you have the best comedy show “Fox news”. Its a hard task I know to keep the jokes flying as much as Fox, but hey, Fox are the best at it.

Would it surprise you to know that Chris Mooney was in full panic mode at the beginning of the week, blaming the Tea Party for the market crash?

Read it at his own blog, watch him panic like a little girl.

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/intersection/2011/08/08/dear-tea-party-didnt-we-tell-you-not-to-mess-with-the-markets/

This was of course before the markets recovered. Chris Mooney is the face of fear. He fears the markets dropping, he fears the climate, and he will always be the first to shout the alarm.

Now only days later, with the market recovered, he mocks the same wall street workers who rode out the panic, and saved your retirement savings.

This is the time to recognize Chris Mooney for what he is, an alarmists and political ideologue. Don’t let the science credentials fool you.

Of course his “science credentials” don’t fool anyone – he hasn’t got any.

spaceships and paul krugman and chris mooney…the only difference is mooney believes what he says and krugman knowingly lies

I love how Chris Mooney and DeSmogBlog are all about “science”.

“I love how Chris Mooney and DeSmogBlog are all about “science”.”

I love how deniers cant read the banner.

“Clearing the PR Pollution that Clouds Climate Science”

Lefties can never resist an Orwellian catch-phrase.

Chris,
Great, clever work.
Ignore the trolls. :-) Ant

My 5 step plan to heal the climate and create wealth

1 print money

2 spend it on windmills

3 print more money

4 spend it on more windmills

5 print even more money

What could possibly go wrong?

It was reported in (as I recall) The Washington Times, but I couldn’t find anybody selling it. Fortunately there are some websites out there which will print according to your specs.

The spotted bumper sticker “FRAUD: The number 1 cause of global warming”

this should not be a surprise- the downgrades will continue as C02 ‘breezes’ by 400ppm in 2014

so goes life in the fast lane.

Hmmmm, me smells a mailing list of deniers or persona management software.

Some of the entries here are within a minute or two of each other. Coincidence that a whole heap of deniers just hapen to be watching the site for new posts all at once?

“And they use strange words like ‘denialism’ which I wasn’t able to find in Webster’s dictionary.”

Strange, I looked up “warmist” & couldnt find an entry fo that either. Maybe its a conspiracy? Nooooo, not the gravy, not…the gravy!!

LOL… Phil.

Time to face facts.

AGW believers are simply the minority now.

It is certainly about time Desmog ligtened up however.
The days when people thought of AGW as a serious subject are long gone.

Spoofs are very appropriate. Good one.

“Time to face facts.

AGW believers are simply the minority now”

Then why are you here? If we are in a minority, just leave & let it go. But anyway, thanks for dropping by & letting us know that. Soooo, I guess its back to your snow dome now?

Why do people come here?

To laugh in your face and rub your nose in it, that’s why.

Compared to what you idiots have got coming to you, it’s really nothing, considering the irreparable economic damage your fraudulent shennanigans have caused.

Expect more of it, and worse.

“Why do people come here?

To laugh in your face and rub your nose in it, that’s why.

Compared to what you idiots have got coming to you, it’s really nothing, considering the irreparable economic damage your fraudulent shennanigans have caused.

Expect more of it, and worse.”

Great! So you admit you are a troll, here for no other purpose but heckling & harassment. So if you are banned (again), it won’t be a surprise to you & your usual statement of “what are desmogblog trying to hide?” will have some true meaning for you then. They are trying to hide the shit.

Please allow my one venture into the world of ad-hom laziness of replying. I’m sorry but reading the back-and-forth commentary here today one thing is very clear. You look like such a TOOL trying to defend an indefensible position here! At least Chris Mooney has the brains to get paid for what he does. You, on the other hand, come across as a mindless zombie follower who can’t see the forest for the trees. Please get a clue, ok? It’s embarrassing even for the people on the other side of the fence. H.

“You look like such a TOOL trying to defend an indefensible position here!”

Hank, my interests are alligned with this blog. Yours arent. Therefore you are a troll. You have no valid input here just jibes. A mere mindless drone carpet bombing bullshit like the rest of your denier mates. Its sad really. If its all over as you believe, then why are you here?

Definition of a troll: Anyone who disagrees with PhilM

“Hank, my interests are alligned with this blog.”

So Diamond Jim Hoggan has you on the payroll, too?

“Hmmmm, me smells a mailing list of deniers or persona management software.”

I confess, I’m actually the persona management terminator, sent from the future to assassinate global warming belief. I have an advanced sarcasm unit, capable of extreme satire to fool the average human. Muhahhaha.

Speaking of gravy, is it worth noting that Chris Mooney makes his living as an author, writing political attack books against anyone who doesn’t subscribe to his brand of eco-fundamentalism?

A delightful spoof - But I think the poor planet should be downgraded by more than 1 notch by now - 1 notch was 20 years ago!

I agree! The planet has become completely uninhabitable, as evidenced by the fact that mass starvation and disease are sweeping around the world! We’re all doomed!!! The population is dwindling and people are dying like flies, younger than ever before! The stench of rotting corpses is everywhere under the smog-choked sky!

Oh, wait. Actually the opposite is happening.

Never mind.

““deniers” who have become increasingly prominent in Washington and on the world stage. ”

Whatever is prominent on the world stage now - it sure isnt climate change.

how did that happen? corporate P.R.? - no I think it just died of natural causes and more important stuff filled the vacuum.

Very few of us pay even momentary attention to AGW now. You should be glad there are a few of us still around.

Rick, maybe your special services would be better placed in middle earth?…..Just sayin.

“no I think it just died of natural causes and more important stuff filled the vacuum.

Very few of us pay even momentary attention to AGW now

So why ARE you here? Why even come here if its over?

To point and laugh.

The current governments of Canada and of Alberta are far more concerned about having good PR about the tarsands than they are about actually getting off their butts and cleaning up the tarsands.

I find it easy to believe that those stupid Conservative governments are wasting my tax dollars on paying liars to post on various blogs about the tarsands and about AGW in general. And one paid commenter might be using multiple sock puppets.

The Conservatives lie so much they are not capable of recognizing the truth any more. And of course they hate science because it requires objectivity and intellectual honesty, something they are incapable of achieving any more.

The only person here being paid to talk about AGW is Chris Mooney, the person who wrote this blog post.

Its really quite pathetic to watch someone resort to claiming everyone who opposes them is a fake paid shill, and that they alone are the only “real” person.

Oh no, fossil fuel & political lobbyists just spend their time shooting pool & playing darts I’m sure.

“The current governments of Canada and of Alberta are far more concerned about having good PR about the tarsands than they are about actually getting off their butts and cleaning up the tarsands.”

LOL! What are you talking about? Every day we’re working hard to clean up all that filthy oil out of sand!

Eventually all that nasty oil will be cleaned up and the sand will be returned to it’s natural pristine, spic n’ span condition!

And THAT’S what you’re whining about?

I never thought of it that way before - but now that you mention it…

Nature has promulgated planet wide natural disasters over millions of years. Plant material has been converted into toxic goo - forming deposits all over and in some case mixing into perfectly clean sand.

A horrible problem covered over with a thin layer of topsoil.

An now in an heroic effort to green the planet, we are peeling away that top soil and cleaning the sand, leaving a planet in better condition than we found it.

okay lets go with that.

Think of the Athabasca oil sands as 674,000 Exxon Valdez oil spills created by Gaia.

In Alberta, we’re just trying to clean up that filthy mess.

And “environmentalists” want to stop us, because they’re all about “the environment” … right?

That was a tour de force.

So is one of you denialists here really the liar Velshi?:

“…He also stole. At least three of the other photos in the set were taken by internationally recognized photographers and used without permission…” http://understory.ran.org/2011/08/16/breaking-ethical-oil-campaign-uses-stolen-faked-photos/

While Lindzen & co have recently presented a paper that puts the maximum increase in the global temperature in the outyears in a lower range than the IPCC predictions, with a high probability, the blog below is by a physicist who (like a couple of other physicists before him), makes the case the there is no greenhouse gas effect. However, this gentleman presents his case in much simpler to understand terms than those earlier mathematical proofs (which probably nobody but the authors understand).

Political responses won’t hack it on this blog. If you don’t understand the science, don’t even bother. http://theendofthemystery.blogspot.com/2010/11/venus-no-greenhouse-effect.html

“Political responses won’t hack it on this blog. If you don’t understand the science, don’t even bother.”

You don’t actually read this blog, do you? Desmogblog is not about the science, it is about the spin which is indeed political and which lies about the science for political purposes.

I bet you don’t know much about the science either.

I thought the parallels with the budget deficit were right on. Great job.

“Market forces would kick in, and we would see a booming spaceship industry.” Hilarious.